I have been sitting in silence this morning. Yet my mind races with an obscene amount of questions and ideas of many random things that from what I can tell, have no connection.
There has to be a connection somehow.
I received a magazine in the mail the other day and it was addressed to both my husband and I. We looked it over and we made the loop of our nightly walk together after dinner.
“I didn’t order this” I said to him, “I’ve never even seen this magazine before”.
He thumbs through it while juggling the mail and puffing ona cigar, before finally handing it all over to me so he can get a closer look at this magazine. It was from our realtor, from 8 years ago when she sold us our home.
She published a friggin’ magazine.
I was jealous.
No, I was beyond, without a doubt, envious. So unbelievably envious.
And of course, there went my mind spinning out of control over the next couple of days trying to figure out ways to accomplish this.
My mind won’t stop. I hope this is not another one of my crazy ideas that I get overly obsessed with and lose sleep over.
My painting on the weekends is the cause of my mind opening up to all these ideas. I just may be getting my artistic expression back after all of these years.
10 to be exact. 10 years. I thought I would never be creative again. And it just happened. Over one day of picking up a paint brush.
What a blessing in disguise, I cannot begin to tell you how thankful I am. I seriously thought I had lost it.
I know it has been awhile since I’ve written anything. Busy at work with the end of year and entering the new budget, I am trying to get caught up on new policies, contracts, and updates. Before I know it, the Adult Learning Program will have their fall classes ready to publish and the phones will be non-stop. I ordered new phones for the staff as we head into this new fiscal year of changes. And I admit, am WAY to excited to receive them in the mail!
I haven’t been sleeping as I am consumed with work and family concerns. Diving into both my art and the backyard, I have found my connection again.
Once lost, I realize my art completely relaxes me. Also, on the note of relaxation, we have a new volunteer in the office, a masseuse, who comes a couple times a month with her equipment to provide the staff with massages. Oh…..my……gosh. Much needed after 50 hour work weeks.
Anyway, I am taking all of my free time AND what little energy I have and thrusting it into my art. Since my preference is chalk pastels, it is too difficult to clean up a dusty mess in our home and my hubby says, “nope, not in the house” so I have been dappling in watercolor as you all may have seen.
We have so many fawns around our work and this is the first attempt of watercolor, I have painted of any animal. Poor thing.
Loving baby animals, I have been painting all sorts of creatures. Some turn out okay, while others? Well….
Like I said, some are “eh” but I am not complaining because they are what they are.
What I can say, is I am not sure how much longer I will keep this blog. It is not that I don’t enjoy writing, but honestly, I don’t enjoy writing as much as I thought I would. I love, love, LOVE painting and my newest, gardening. I think I will stick with that. My subscription is up here at the end of August. I started my blog for a couple different reasons.
The first was to grieve my father. He will be gone one full year August 8th, 2019. And I just cannot believe it has been a year. The second reason was my bucket list. I wanted a blog, to try it. And I did. So now what? My father is gone and I have tried the blog. Moving on? I simply do…not…know.
However, I do have a few weeks to write and this will give me the opportunity to re-hash my thoughts.
I’ve been doing it a lot, you know. Thinking about my dad. I am burying myself in my art, practicing in watercolor rather than pastel.
My dad would have enjoyed my mini paintings. He loved to sketch, to build, to paint. Oh how I miss him.
August 8th will be the one year anniversary of his death. I can feel it. I haven’t felt well for a couple of weeks now. I have been nauseated, anxious. Could it be this? Or something else?
I had a panic attack early the other morning at work. My folder for Tuesday morning of things to do was thick and I cried. What the heck is going in? Stupidity. This is not me, I love the busy work.
Lately I feel as though I am being swallowed whole. I can’t explain it, nor can I figure it out. I’ve given up trying. I have dove into my art, exploring new possibilities, new media.
I miss working in pastels but my gosh, talk about messy. My husband would have a fit. So I am resorting to watercolor. It is easy to clean up and there is no dust for the dogs to walk through and track throughout the house.
But the truth? I love this! Look at these beautiful colors.
I have started my Christmas cards.
Here is a sneak peek:
They are all different. Sigh. I hope to get through the next month.
I know dad would not want me to worry. I can see him shaking his head.
Friday I took the day off to see the chiropractor about adjusting me after my fall last week. He asked what I did and I told him and while I was on the table he scoffed, “oh yeah, you really needed me.” The pain was instantly gone. He is THAT good. I felt this mad rush of heat, almost sweet relief come over my spine, up my neck and flushed around my face. That was it. He hit it dead on. He adjusted my hips and flipped my legs side to side like a limp rag doll. “Better isn’t it? You’re more limber than you were when you walked in.” I sighed and muffled a “yes” as my face was plastered into the table. He is the only one I will see, the only one I trust. I have known him for years. I stood up and hung on for dear life as my body adjusted to the corrected position. A little dizzy but instant relief.
After that, my next appointment was to see the optometrist, AGAIN. 4th or 5th appointment and my left eye was still blurry. After I sat down and popped the new order of lenses in, I yelled “YAAAAY! FINALLY I CAN SEE!!!”
He whipped around in his rolling chair with a surprised look and flatly stated, “really.”
“Yes, really let’s order these.”
“Are you sure?” He tilted his head sarcastically.
He can be so professional but snarky at the same time.
“Yes I’m sure.” And I rolled my eyes.
He hesitated for a moment. “YES REALLY!” I reassured him. He slowly turned back around. I have seen him as well for years and decided I will be sad the day he decides to retire. My appointments always take forever because I love talking to him.
After that I was onto the next appointment that I care not to discuss.
However, today I felt like a new woman and I had bought some plants for my goth garden. I decided I want, not only near black plants, but weird ones too.
Then get this….a couple of weeks ago I found some faux stone at a second hand store for housing design. I drove to it today to see what they wanted for the stone. The gal told me $1.75 a piece and I thought, NO WAY AM I PAYING THAT. My gosh it’s faux stone and used for crying out loud. She asked me how many pieces did I want. I told her, “you give me a good deal and I will buy what you have. She stood there a minute and said, “ok, how about $6 for all of it?”
I was secretly giddy inside. I said, “you have a deal!” They sell faux stone by the pound but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I came home, my car trunk full. I immediately ripped out the wood path I made a few weeks ago and put the stone in. Now I have the look of an old garden path.
The plants I bought were Elephant Bush, Elephant Ear, Black Mondo Grass, Sedum, a 3 more weird things I can’t remember the names.
But the best part is the sconces I had forgotten about. We have had them for years and I’m going to hang them on the fence. What do you think? I think it will give an eerie look to the garden at night. I have so much more to add and so many more weeds to pull and so many more plants to purchase. I must be patient! My hips are still swollen and my back is still sore. I don’t want to over do it!
This “winter storm” is going to be the death of me. If I could buy a tropical island I would.
There is only so much work I can do from home. I’ve been checking my emails throughout the day, I’ve working on updating personnel forms and so on.
Oh but this weather! I’ve seriously been diagnosed with a severe case of cabin fever. I’ve been robotically checking my work email every few minutes and there are no new emails. I walked out front to do a “weather” check and the clouds were heavy but no snow yet. So I decided to see how well the snow would stick so I could build a snowman. It was pretty wet unlike yesterday where it was like baby powder and it wouldn’t form.
On with my rain boots, coat, earmuffs and gloves. I wasn’t sure what I was going to build but it would be something!
After about a half hour, I molded a lounging Bengal tiger that looked more like a rat than anything. Some stones for his eyes, branches for whiskers and black spray paint for wanna-be stripes. Ugh, I am so unbelievably bored and I really need to be at work!!!
The neighbors probably think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. If I can’t get back to work soon, I will go crazy!
Well, it started to snow again and I couldn’t feel my toes. I went back inside to check my email yet AGAIN. I fixed a mug of hot tea.
As the snow was heavily coming down, I’d considered building a zombie snow man. That might be kind of exciting!
After the snow had been coming down for a bit, I checked on my Bengal. He looks a bit “fuzzy”, a bit worn, a bit loved….
Sigh. I’m a summer woman. I want warmth, waves and a colorful pedicure! This too shall pass. I sip my tea and watch cartoons. King of the Hill. And I wait for the next email.