What am I going to do with myself today? This weekend? It was a long, difficult work week. The kind of difficult with inconsistencies, little annoyances and unexpected turns causing my patience, confidence and behavior to shift.
Did I accomplish all I needed to accomplish? No. Do I care? No. Why? Because it will be there, waiting for me next week. I am only human and can provide only what my brain will allow after each long day. When it’s too much, my brain starts to shut down, then I must shift myself to something that doesn’t require me to think. Like filing.
This past week tested my ability AND behavioral stability [aka patience] with little nuances that would drive the average person to throw their hands and give up or lose their cool. And quite honestly, I look back and think I actually handled things fairly well despite all of the curve balls. I work in such an awesome environment even though there are many things needing improvement. Heck, this is why I am there. This is what I thrive on….to assist an organization to succeed. To help others grow, fuel their passions and seek personal growth whether they want it or not.
I thrive on this. And those with the less than positive attitudes or resistant behaviors need guidance to find the very thing that helps them feel stable again. Because let’s face it, the feeling of instability truly sucks and sometimes it’s scary, but helping those find their way, while wading through a long stagnant pond, requires stirring change of murky waters and it is challening.
So challenging, I sometimes question my own tactics. The wading takes effort while holding others’ hands, gripped so tightly with resistance to change, will not happen over night. And when we fall, yes I am including myself, I can only laugh, help each other stand up, and keep wading.
Change over night. I wish it could. Yet it won’t.
But I feel this past week was not all lost. There were mistakes, challenges and inconsistencies. But we learn. It just provides me with fuel to consider different paths.
I will see myself last week and raise myself next week. In what sometimes seems like what should be a black and white world, there is color.
In every, single, one of us. There is hope, there is color. I just need to find it.