It’s been an awful week so far. I’m not sleeping, I’m mentally drained and my legs hurt. I’ve got this looming anxiety and I am not sure where it’s coming from.
I’m certainly not writing this to complain, but rather find a way to cope.
I was blessed today when I walked into the bank. The teller, who is not the usual teller for that particular branch, was there. She is such a breath of fresh air. A woman who has a personality that sparkles. Normally I hate making small talk, but she turned my day around. We spoke about the snow, and she told me about her new puppy and how her puppy had experienced the snow for the first time. I walked away feeling a little brighter.
On the way home, I had to make a dreaded trip to Costco. I hadn’t recovered from my mid-week of “funk” and I feared once I grabbed that cart, fit only for Hercules and walk through the door flashing my card at the attendant, I would then and only then be possessed by a bad mood demon and the gates of Hell would open wide.
And I was right.
It was like a switch.
I only needed a few things, so I did the only thing I knew to do, to prevent the end of my day from becoming worse….get it, get it fast and get the hell out of there.
So I sprinted.
My legs are long. My strides were that of an angry ostrich. I tell you, I flew through the aisles illegally passing people. If there were Costco police, I would have been pulled over. I would have been arrested. 3 years minimum.
Whenever I went blazing around a corner, my Brobdingnagian cart’s wheels screamed bloody murder on that hard, morgue of concrete floor.
And people stared.
A man and his cart came to a screeching hault to prevent a t-bone collision and all contents of his cart madly slid to the other side.
Another man stepped out in front of me and I swerved, barely grazing the flat rear of his dusty, tight Wrangler jeans.
I made it back to my car, contents in tow and my body, my mind, resumed back to its semi-normal self and I was exhausted.
This is ridiculous. How can I be so unbelievably annoyed at the world? This is not me, and I do not like myself right now and whatever “this” funk is, is not healthy.
My dogs greeted me with love when I walked into the house. They are so happy.
I have so much to be grateful for. We all do, even if we think it’s not much.
I am grateful for those who surround me. Those with love, laughter, and compassion. I embraced the evening, loving my family, loving my dogs.
And learning to love myself again.